Muggle Camping
by Dramione27
Summary: Ron rounded on her, 'What do you have to say for yourself Hermione Granger' 'Damn muggle camping' she exclaimed. FWHG oneshot. Pure hilarity.


"DAMN muggle camping!" she exclaimed before a rather violent sneeze. This wasn't exactly what you would expect from Hermione Granger. "I'm never letting Harry talk me into anything ever again!"

* * *

It all started when Ron suggested a camping trip.

Harry suggested a muggle camping trip but Ron disagreed.

Harry called Ron a wimp.

That was the moment our camping trip became officially a muggle one.

* * *

We found a nice spot, pitched the tent and started a fire. It was great.

Then we got gatecrashed, an animal of some kind stole all our food and we were practically forced into a game of truth or dare.

* * *

"So, we have no food and this tent is far too small for five people? Cheer up folks, at least we still have grog!" everyone was looking quite miserable, except the twins.

"Shut up Fred!" Hermione was first to speak. "Honestly Ron can we leave?"

"I'm not a wimp. I'm not leaving,"

"Harry?"

"I gotta make sure he doesn't cheat, no magic remember?"

"Argh!" she let out an insane kind of animal noise. The twins were impressed, the boys were scared. "I hate boys!" she exclaimed with a maniacal glint in her eyes.

"We got an idea to pass the time!" the twins said cheerily in perfect unison. Hermione eyed them suspiciously.

"What about truth?"

"Or dare?" they looked at each other and nodded. "We'll go clockwise" said Fred pointing counter-clockwise,

"Or counter-clockwise!" and George pointed the opposite direction.

"NO."

"Come on Hermione,"

"Don't be a spoil-sport!"

"It's not exactly fair! One girl and four boys. What's the bet that I'll be involved in every dare?"

"We wouldn't do that to Harry and Ron!"

"Yea, it would be far too awkward watching your boyfriend kissing your best chik-friend!" Hermione laughed at this, Harry glared, Ron didn't get it.

"I don't like what you're insinuating Fred!"

"_You_ weren't supposed to,"

"Yea, we've taken it upon ourselves to cheer Mine's up!"

"My name is Hermione!"

"Sorry Mine's babe," she scowled at them.

"Fine I'll play your shitty Truth or dare games but with some rules." They frowned a little but were impressed that she had agreed (and sworn at them). "I will not be having sex with or going down on anyone!" Ron's eyes bulged out of his head as if the idea had only just come to his head. "No one will be having sex with or going down on me!" They frowned again at this Harry chuckled. "Just, nothing below the belt! Okay?"

"O-kay" they still looked like they were up to something.

"I go first, Mione has to kiss me!" Ron excitedly exclaimed.

"Not if you don't use my real name I don't."

"Whatever Hermione," she leant over and pecked him on the cheek. "Truth or Dare?" he asked her,

"Truth," Fred and George coughed a loud obnoxious cough that sounded suspiciously like 'Wimp'. She rounded on them, "Really? I'm a wimp?" they nodded at her. She looked Fred in the eye and snidely said "Dare."

Twenty minutes later everyone had kissed everyone and everyone had tasted Hermione's strawberry lip balm except Fred Weasley. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," he looked his twin in the eye,

"You have to kiss Mione," she looked fine and crawled over, "for five minutes, tongues and all!" she faltered.

"Fine," she finally said, George took a seat opposite them, "but not in front of everyone," George looked disappointed but nevertheless made his way to the door-flap-thing. Once everyone had left she crawled closer,

"I thought they'd never leave," he breathed into her ear before kissing his way down her neck, she gasped as he reached her pulse point and took his head with her hands pulling it up to her lips, they met in passion and unrivalled fervour. He pulled her down into a more comfortable laying position. She put her hands on the floor either side of his head and straddled him,

"I've been waiting all night for that," she trailed her tongue to his ear and whispered to him, "I'm very proud of you tonight. Surprised you suggested Truth or Dare in the first place, didn't think you could stand to share me," he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, he rolled onto her.

"Just thought I'd give the boys a taste before you hitch your wagon,"

"Hitch my wagon hey?"

"Mmm-hmm," his lips met hers again

"Who is this mystery person I would be hitching my wagon to?"

"I wonder?" They smiled at each other before she wrapped her leg around him,

"How long have we got left?" she moaned into his chest,

"As long as you like," he pointed his wand towards the flap-door-thing, she nodded and kissed him deeply, he started stripping his clothes.

* * *

Meanwhile:

"I think that's about five minutes don't you?"

"Yea, it's freezing out here," they went to unzip the flap-thing-door but it wouldn't budge.

"The zipper's frozen in the cold!" Ron whipped out his wand,

"No magic Ron!"

"I don't fucking care, it's freezing." He held his wand to the door-thing-flap and muttered an incantation of some kind. The door burst open ripping a hole in the tent's roof and the three boys walked in on two people in a rather compromising position. "What the fuck?"

"I thought you said nothing below the belt!"

"Yea, no fair," everyone glared at George while the couple in all their modesty covered up with sleeping bags.

"I thought you locked the fucking flap!"

"I did, and no one was allowed to use magic."

"Fuck!"

'Fuck!"

"Fuck" Harry agreed,

"What the Fuck?" Ron was still in the entrance to the tent.

"Shit, Ron, it's just not what it looks like!" just then it started raining, "Fine," she screamed towards the heavens, "It's exactly what it looks like, happy?" The water poured into the tent and all over her and Fred's near naked (sleeping bag covered) bodies.

* * *

Now she's in bed with chicken soup sneezing and swearing at Fred and Harry for the damned muggle camping trip.

* * *

AN: Fun ficlet. Hope you liked. 


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